mind, body, spirit
Breaking down the recovery journey illuminates the importance of healing and integrating the BODY, MIND, and SPIRIT.
For me, and many other people who embark on the recovery journey, physical and medical stability of the BODY must come first. When I began treatment, everything was about restoring my physical health first and foremost. I remember feeling frustrated that everyone was so obsessed with this mission, but I see now how essential that was. Without the foundation of physical and medical stability, the MIND is not able to do the deep work it often takes to reach full recovery.
SPIRITUAL health was a motivating force at the beginning of my recovery. It was a large part of me reconnecting with life, with myself, and with the larger purpose for my life. It also allowed me to connect with my grief and trauma from a safe distance, seeing it in a more spiritual realm and protecting me from the stinging pain of the trauma. It allowed me to soften my heart a bit and open my mind to the idea of recovery, of a better life for myself. What did this spirituality look like? Lots of art, time in nature, crystal appreciation, spirit cards, reading, and crafting. I attended music festivals and connected with people that made me feel safe and who were open to the larger energy that I was letting carry me forward. This spiritual focus carried me for the first year or so of my recovery and waned with time as I found my own footing and started to really find my way. Spirituality remains a very grounding pillar of my recovery, and one I draw on regularly to find peace and calm.
Mental health (MIND) has been the biggest part of my recovery journey and seems to lag behind the physical healing of the BODY. Initially, all of my resources were going to healing my BODY and I found I really didn’t get into the deeper work in therapy until my physical health was stable. When I look back at the last four years since I graduated treatment, the last two years I’ve made more progress than I could have imagined or predicted. Slowly my ED, my obsession with my body, and my fear of relapsing weighed (for a lack of a better word) on me less and less. The space that was being freed up in my mind was slowly filled with my wise self that was being cultivated and awakened. What also entered my heart and mind were the many emotions that had been masked by my ED for so many years. I’ve slowly (ever so slowly) been able to move deeper into myself, into the pain and the joy and the parts of me that have been so quiet for so much of my life. This was painfully challenging at the beginning and has since become easier with time. I can now remain present in my day to day life without frequent interruptions or dissociation. A therapist once told me, when I was feeling stuck in the first year or so of recovery, “things will just start to get easier with time and one day you’ll wake up and feel dramatically unburdened and things will feel easier.” At the time, I was like “sure...ok…” and wishfully but skeptically tucked that nugget away. I can now say wholeheartedly that she sure was right. I have recently felt a big shift and things got easier with my body, with my mind and with relationships in my life. All of the work I’ve been doing in therapy, around my family and my relationship with myself and my identity, finally started catching up with me. I started feeling free. Free from my ED, my obsession with my body and my absolute fear of what I might feel.
This recovery process is a complex journey of healing the BODY, the SPIRIT and the MIND and learning to integrate them and trust each piece and how they all come together. Learning that I am safe in my body, safe with my emotions and in my mind -- that has been the work for me.
